Oliver is standing in front of Lilly in the corridor at Seaview High, filming her with a video camera.
LILLY (to the camera)
We're gonna miss you, Principal Fisher. I can't believe you're retiring. You don't look a day over eighty.
OLIVER (V/O)
Lilly, he's only sixty-five.
LILLY (surprised)
Really? Is he sick?
OLIVER
He will be after he sees this.
Oliver turns the camera over to Dandruff Danny. Lilly follows.
OLIVER
Let's see what farewell words Dandruff Danny has for Principal Fisher.
DANDRUFF DANNY
One second, let me fix my hair.
Dandruff Danny ruffles his hair down and, as suggested by his name, dandruff comes falling out everywhere.
OLIVER (to the camera)
This is gonna take a while.
Lilly jumps up in front of the camera and laughs a little.
LILLY
I was just kidding about before, sir. It's not that you're old, it's that you remind me of my dead grandfather. But he didn't die of old age. He got hit by a school busy. (laughs) Ironic, isn't it?
Principal Fisher himself comes out past the corridor and catches Oliver filming.
OLIVER
Uh, Principal Fisher...(hides the video camera and Lilly steps aside)
PRINCIPAL FISHER
Now, Oiken, I hope this is not some sort of video farewell for a beloved retiring principal.
Some out of sight kids chuck some scrunched up paper at Principal Fisher.
PRINCIPAL FISHER
Hey! All right, you girls, hold it right there!
Pointing directly at them, Principal Fisher walks off.
LILLY (to Oliver)
I want to do mine over again.
OLIVER
We'll clean it up in editing.
Lilly exhales, as they turn to Miley, who is leaning against the wall staring dreamily into the air.
OLIVER
Miley? (jazz music starts playing in the background) Miley? (pause) Miley.
Ignoring Oliver, Miley walks over to Jake Ryan, pushing aside the group of surrounding girls.
MILEY
Move over, girls. (tugs Jake by the shirt) Listen, Jake, and listen good. There's only one dame in the world that's right for a guy like you and you're looking for her!
JAKE
What took you so long, baby?
MILEY
Traffic. Now pant one on me and make me remember why I waste my time with you.
And as they are about to kiss, reality kicks in. Miley dreamt it all, she is still leaning against the wall, but moves her lips like she is kissing.
OLIVER
Miley? Miley!
MILEY (coming to attention)
What?
LILLY
You were dreaming about Jake again, weren't you?
MILEY
No, I wasn't. Why would you say that? I'm so over him.
Jake comes over.
JAKE
Hey, Miley.
MILEY
I'm over you, okay? Move on with your life!
Miley storms off to the cafeteria.
JAKE (to Lilly and Oliver)
I was just gonna tell her her shoe's untied.
They look over and watch Miley as she walks into the cafeteria, literally head over heels when she trips over her shoelace.
MILEY
Whoa!
***
OPENING CREDITS
***
At the recording studio, Hannah is sitting in the booth with her headphones on unenthusiastically singing, with a boring monotone. Robby and the sound mixer sit watching through the glass.
HANNAH
If we were a movie
You'd be the right guy
And I'd be the best friend
That you'd fall in love with...
And I can't sing this anymore! I mean, it's not like girls just stand around dreaming about boys all day.
ROBBY (through the microphone)
You okay, darling?
HANNAH
Of course, I'm fine. It's just, there's other more important things in life, like, world peace and...(pause)...whales. Why can't we do a song about whales? And not stupid boy whales. Girl whales. Happy, independent girl whales!
ROBBY
I'll get right on it, darling. Girl whales, doing their nails, don't need no males. Practically writes itself.
HANNAH
Daddy, I'm not saying that's exactly the song. I'm open to other fish, too. Can I take a break?
ROBBY
I think that's a good idea.
Hannah takes off her headphones and comes out of the booth, to find her father standing there waiting for her.
ROBBY
Besides, there's somebody here who wants to see you.
HANNAH
Dad, I'm not in the mood to see anybody right now.
Aunt Dolly steps in from the back door.
AUNT DOLLY
Well, fine!
Hannah has been caught by surprise. She stands staring at Dolly with a wide-mouth.
AUNT DOLLY
If you don't wanna see me, I'll just turn that bus around and head on back to Nashville.
Hannah hugs Dolly.
HANNAH
Aunt Dolly!
AUNT DOLLY
Look at you, my goodness. You are sprouting like a rosebush after a month of rain, only not as wet, and twice as pretty.
ROBBY
Whoa doggies, I like that. I might use that in a song.
AUNT DOLLY
Well, fine. First one's free, next one you share profits with me. (taking Hannah to the recording booth) Come in here, sweet pea. I got a story to tell you about this possum and a skunk that was sharing a pew at church.
Aunt Dolly closes the door as she and Hannah enter the recording booth, crossing her arms.
AUNT DOLLY
Okay, what's his name?
HANNAH (laughs)
What are you talking about?
AUNT DOLLY
I am talking about my goddaughter crushing over some boy harder than a monster truck driving over a little clown car.
HANNAH (laughs)
Monster trucks, clown cars?! Oh, I missed you Aunt Dolly. You're funny. (changing the subject) You know, we're thinking about getting a dog.
AUNT DOLLY
Really? Well, you might want to think about naming him Zippy, because zip is what I'm getting from you. (shows Hannah to a seat) Listen, sweet pea, when you decide you want to talk about this boy, that don't exist, you know I'm here for you.
Hannah shows a smile of appreciation. Robby has been listening through the headphone.
ROBBY
And I'm here, too, bud.
AUNT DOLLY
Robby Ray, you nosy hillbilly!
ROBBY
Hey, I'm not listening. I just wanted you to know I'm here. And, I'm not a nosy hillbilly. I'm a concerned, hillbilly father.
***
Aunt Dolly comes out of the Stewart living room and into the kitchen – which has been "dollified" with pink cushions, pink tissue boxes and the liking. In other words, a girl's scene. Robby comes running downstairs ready for a jog.
ROBBY
Morning, Dolly.
AUNT DOLLY
Hey.
ROBBY (looking around)
Whoa! (holds up a cushion) Looks like my home's been invaded by aliens from the planet Froufrou.
AUNT DOLLY
Robby Stewart, you keep making fun of my decorating, I'm gonna' have to tell your kids how you used to run around in a diaper and little black boots saying, "Hello, I'm Johnny Cash".
ROBBY
Come to think of it, I love what you've done with the place.
AUNT DOLLY
Hey, good. (getting out her video camera from bag) Would you just say that to the folks back home? And, while you're at it, would you please tell Uncle Zeke to get rid of that awful mullet comb-over? Lord knows how that man can take one hair, wrap it completely around his head and down his back.
ROBBY
It's called a skullet. And it ain't that bad.
AUNT DOLLY
Well, you ain't seem him floss with it. (holds up the camera) You ready?
ROBBY (waving at the camera)
Hey, everybody! Hey, Uncle Zeke. You might want to treat yourself to a haircut, and get you a toothpick. I'm going for a jog.
Robby runs out the back door. Dolly takes the camera over to Jackson, who has just come downstairs and is sniffing in his shirt.
AUNT DOLLY
Okay. Oh, man.
JACKSON
This is not good.
AUNT DOLLY
Oh, what's the matter with you?
JACKSON
Aunt Dolly, I smell like a petunia! What did you was this stuff in?
AUNT DOLLY
Well, just a little fabric softener, and a whole lot of love. (holding up the camera) You got anything to say to the folks back home?
JACKSON
Well, sure. (waves at the camera) Hey, everybody! When the guys get a whiff of me, I'm gonna' get beat up today! (thumbs up) Bye!
Jackson walks off out the front door. Aunt Dolly laughs.
AUNT DOLLY (to the camera)
Well, at least you got a look at him before that happens. So, let's go check on Miley and see what she's up to. Come on.
Aunt Dolly heads outside for the deck.
***
Miley is sitting out on the porch, singing and strumming on the guitar.
MILEY
If we were a movie
You'd be the right guy
I'd be the best friend
That you'd fall in love with
In the end, we'd be laughing
Watching the sunset
Fade to black, show the names
Play that happy song.
Aunt Dolly has been watching and listening from the door. Unaware that she is still recording on her camera, she comes and stands beside Miley.
AUNT DOLLY
Well, that was just beautiful, sweet pea. I can't wait to hear you sing it when there really is a boy.
MILEY (sighs)
His name is Jake. Jake Ryan.
AUNT DOLLY (gasps)
The zombie slayer? "Dude, I slayed you once, don't make me slay you again". That boy is too cute!
MILEY
I know. He goes to my school. (Aunt Dolly sits down) And sometimes, he can be really obnoxious, but, then he gets really sweet, and...then he gets all obnoxious again.
AUNT DOLLY
That reminds me, I gotta' call my husband.
MILEY
Aunt Dolly, puberty crisis here!
Miley walks down back into the house. Aunt Dolly follows her down to the couch in the living room.
AUNT DOLLY
Darling, I am so sorry. I just forget sometimes. (sits down and puts her camera on the coffee table) Being a teenage girl's harder than walking through a balloon shop with a porcupine purse.
MILEY
I don't know what to do, Aunt Dolly. Jake said he likes me 'cause I'm the only girl at school who's not falling over him. And, if I tell him that I like him, then I am falling all over him. I'm caught between a rock and a zombie slayer here!
AUNT DOLLY
Well, honey, nobody knows what's around the corner, but I know one thing. If you keep yourself out of the game for fear of losing, then there is no way on this Earth you're gonna' win.
MILEY
So, you're saying that I should just walk up to Jake and say, "Jake Ryan, I'm through pretending that I don't like you, when the truth is...I'm totally in love with you."
And the video recorder has captured all of Miley's speech.
MILEY (looking at the camera)
Wait a minute. Is this thing on?
Miley takes the camera and starts taping at the lens.
AUNT DOLLY (takes the camera back)
Oh, good golly, Miss Dolly. You know what? I am forever leaving this thing on. Last Christmas, I got four hours of the dog chewing the head off the Little Drummer Boy. Poor little old Rufus was chucking up body parts for a week.
Aunt Dolly's phone starts ringing.
MILEY
Uh, Aunt Dolly, I think your hair's ringing.
Aunt Dolly puts down the camera and reaches behind her ear, bringing out her cell phone.
AUNT DOLLY
Well, honey, when your pants are as tight as mine, you've got to have somewhere to put your phone. (flicks up the phone and raises it to her ear) Hey, sweetie, I was just talking about you. (pause) Rufus ate what?! No! (to Miley) I'll be right back. (starts heading upstairs) He did? The one out on the patio?
As Aunt Dolly has gone upstairs, Oliver and Lilly arrive and walk in through the front door. Oliver has his camera out.
OLIVER
Miles, I gotta' get this video in today and you're the only one who hasn't said goodbye to Principal Fisher. (readying his camera) So, take your time, think of something really good. And, action!
Oliver's tape starts recording. Miley stands.
MILEY (to the camera)
Okay. Bye.
OLIVER (shrugging)
Perfect! (zooms in on a muffin basket at the bench) Oh, muffins!
Oliver puts down his camera on the coffee table beside Aunt Dolly's, as Lilly comes and sits beside Miley on the couch.
LILLY
Bye. Why didn't I do that? "A day over eighty". What was I thinking?
A car horn beeps from outside. Oliver goes for the door again.
OLIVER
Oh, that's my mom. I have to get to school early so I can turn this thing into the editor.
As Oliver walks on, he grabs up the wrong camera from the table...without anyone noticing.
OLIVER'S MOM (V/O with a strong voice)
Oliver, let's go!!!
LILLY (to Oliver)
I thought you said that was your mom.
OLIVER (at the door)
It is. When she's mad, she uses her "man" voice.
OLIVER'S MOM (V/O)
Move, move, move!
Without a second thought, Oliver runs out to the car.
LILLY
Wait a minute. I thought he took his camera.
Lilly reaches across to the coffee table and picks up Oliver's camera, which he mistakenly left.
MILEY
Oh, that's Aunt Dolly's.
LILLY
Funny. It looks a lot like Oliver's.
MILEY
Yeah, but Aunt Dolly's has her initials on it. See? (takes the camera and looks it over) Where's the "D"? (starting to panic) Where's the rhinestone "D"?
LILLY
Miley, it's just a camera! What's the big deal?
MILEY
That camera has a tape of me saying, "Jake Ryan, I'm totally in love with you!".
LILLY
Whoa!
MILEY
I know!
Miley and Lilly jump up and run out the door.
***
Miley and Lilly come running through the locker hallway at Seaview High with Aunt Dolly's camera. They bump into Jake.
MILEY
Hey, Jake.
LILLY
What's up?
Jake turns away and they continue over to Oliver's locker.
MILEY
Quick, Oliver, you took the wrong camera. Give it back.
OLIVER
Sorry! Here.
Oliver takes the camera out from his locker and exchanges with Miley.
MILEY
Thanks. (looks in and finds that the tape slot is empty) Where's the tape?
OLIVER
I gave it to the editor.
LILLY
Who's the editor?
OLIVER
Jake.
Oliver points over at Jake, who is approaching his locker on the other side. Miley grabs Oliver by the shirt and stares into his face with a deathly glare.
MILEY
Jake who?
***
Oliver breaks free of Miley's grip.
OLIVER
Ow, ow, ow! Thanks a lot, you ripped out my only chest hair. So, I gave Jake the tape. Just go ask for it back.
MILEY
I can't believe I have to do this.
Miley heads over to Jake, who is being chatted up by Amber and Ashley.
ASHLEY
Jake, can we have our tape back?
AMBER
Please? I looked great. She looked terrible.
ASHLEY
Better than you!
AMBER
Oh, keep dreaming!
Miley taps Jake on the shoulder.
MILEY
Uh, Jake?
JAKE
Um, one second. (turns back to Amber and Ashley) Guys, if I let you redo your tape, then everyone's gonna want to do the same thing. I'm sorry, but nobody gets their tapes back under any circumstances. (turns back to Miley) So, uh...Miley. What's going on?
MILEY (thinking of an excuse)
Um, I just wanted to tell you that...I know another guy named Jake Ryan. So, if you ever hear me talking about Jake Ryan, I'm talking about the other Jake Ryan. Not you, Jake. Other Jake. Buh-bye. (to Oliver in passing) You're dead to me.
***
The following morning, Jackson comes downstairs into the kitchen with buffed up hair.
JACKSON
Dad, I don't know why, but I have this funny feeling that Aunt Dolly replaced my shampoo.
Robby turns out from the fridge to reveal that he has the same buffed up hair.
JACKSON (in reaction to Robby's hair)
Whoa!
ROBBY
Well, join the club, son. Looks like we've been volumized and Dolly-sized.
JACKSON
I can't take this any more, dad. Between the shampoo, and the...(takes out a tissue)...and the smelly tissues, and the, and the potpourri, and all these flowers...I mean, I'm loosing my manly essence!
ROBBY
There's only one thing we can do, son. Let's go to the gym and fight back with the one thing she can't take from us. (holds up his arm) Our man stink!
JACKSON
Oh, dad, can we maybe do it tomorrow? Aunt Dolly buffed my nails and I don't want to ruin them.
ROBBY
Do you hear yourself, son?
JACKSON
Oh, no! Get me to the gym, fast!
Jackson and Robby both run out the back door shrieking.
***
Miley is in Hannah's closet, pacing around, as Lilly stands by a bag rack.
MILEY
We've got to figure out something, Lilly. Jake's probably laughing at that tape right now!
LILLY
I know. This is awful! This is horrible! This is...(takes a handbag from the shelf)...so cute! Can I borrow it?
Miley rolls her head back, as Aunt Dolly enters carrying a bag.
AUNT DOLLY
Put that away, Lilly. I've got something else for you girls to wear.
MILEY
Thanks, Aunt Dolly, but clothes aren't going to help me now.
AUNT DOLLY
Oh, these will.
Aunt Dolly takes out from the bag a black spy suit on a coat hanger.
AUNT DOLLY
I got you girls into this mess, and I'm gonna' get you out. If that boy won't give the tape back, we're going in after it, undercover.
LILLY (nudging Miley)
Oh, I like the way she thinks.
Miley reaches into the bag and takes out some black boots.
MILEY
And I love the way she accessorises.
AUNT DOLLY
These boots are made for sneaking!
They all laugh.
***
As classic spy music plays in the background, Lilly and Miley summersault themselves into the corridor at Seaview High. They scan the room with a few moves before and step aside to a door. Aunt Dolly comes flipping in on Miley's wink and does a few funky movies before standing.
AUNT DOLLY
Girls, I don't just rock, I roll.
MILEY
Okay, let's just focus on the plan. Aunt Dolly and I go into the edit room. Lilly, you stand watch. We get the tape, and we're out of here.
LILLY (whispering)
Okay. (tries to open the door) It's locked!
AUNT DOLLY
Not for long! These nails ain't just for scratching.
Aunt Dolly holds up her extremely sharp fingernails. She rotates them through the lock with success.
AUNT DOLLY
Like a charm. I haven't carried a house key in years.
MILEY
Okay people, let's get her done.
Lilly opens the door, allowing Miley and Aunt Dolly to step through first. They all tip-toe through without making a sound...well, almost all of them.
MILEY
Lilly! Less squeaky, more sneaky.
LILLY
Sorry.
***
Miley, Lilly and Aunt Dolly all creep up to look through the window of the door in the edit room.
MILEY
Oh, no, he's in there!
Jake is sitting at the computer desk with his takeaway food.
LILLY
What do we do?
Aunt Dolly and Miley get back down. Lilly stays up, gazing at Jake for a little moment, before Miley pulls her back down.
***
Aunt Dolly comes into the edit room carting a bin trolley. Jake stands up.
AUNT DOLLY
I'm sorry, honey. Mind if I clean up in here? Well, it don't matter, 'cause I'm gonna' clean up anyhow, so don't sass me, boy.
JAKE
No problem.
Miley pops up from her hiding place in the bin, as Jake turns to his desk and reaches for his food. Aunt Dolly quickly bobs Miley back down before Jake can see.
JAKE
Oh, one sec. Since you're here, I uh, I might as well toss this.
Jake steps forward to the bin, but Aunt Dolly blocks his way.
AUNT DOLLY
Oh, wait! Don't you want to finish that? You're a growing boy.
JAKE
Nah. I eat too much of this junk anyway.
As Jake steps forward for a second time, Aunt Dolly again blocks his way.
AUNT DOLLY (thinking of an excuse)
Uh, can't let you do that. Union rules.
Down in the bin, where Miley is hiding out, she smirks at the humour of Aunt Dolly's improvising.
AUNT DOLLY (taking the food)
I'll take care of it. I'll just toss it to the left of the trash can.
Upon hearing this, Miley switches to the appropriate side, but the food comes flying in and lands on Miley's head. Yuck! Miley accidently taps on the bin as she tries to clean herself of the food.
JAKE
Whoa! What the heck is in there?
AUNT DOLLY
Well, I guess that dead lab frog still has a little hop left in him.
Jake goes to look, but Aunt Dolly takes him by the arm.
AUNT DOLLY
Sweet niblets! You, are Jake Ryan.
Aunt Dolly swings Jake around so that his back is facing the bin.
JAKE
Oh, well...
AUNT DOLLY
You are Jake, aren't you?
JAKE
Yes.
AUNT DOLLY
You are as cute as they said. (getting a pen and paper from the desk) Can I have your autograph?
JAKE
Sure.
As Jake takes the paper and starts to pen, Miley quietly pops up from in the bin and takes the pile of tapes from the desk.
AUNT DOLLY
It's really for my goddaughter. I mean, she just loves you! Really, she loves you.
A banging comes from the bin again. Jake turns.
AUNT DOLLY
That's that dang frog again!
JAKE (going to the table)
Hey, what happened to all my tapes?
Before Jake can fully reach over, Aunt Dolly turns him back again.
AUNT DOLLY
Hey, didn't you say that very line in the famous lost zombie tape episode?
While the conversation continues, Miley reaches out from the bin again and puts the remaining taps back on the desk.
JAKE
Yeah. Some of my finest work.
AUNT DOLLY
Well, I have heard about you. I have heard you do some great stuff.
Miley strikes her arm down to signify "score", before hiding back down into the bin.
AUNT DOLLY
...and, you are as cute as they say. (takes the autograph) Well, gotta' go, while the getting's good.
Aunt Dolly turns back to the bin.
JAKE
Oh, uh...one more thing.
As Aunt Dolly wheels the bin out, Jake throws a milkshake cup in.
AUNT DOLLY
Shake in the hole!
Lilly closes the door behind them as they come out, and follows them into the corridor, making sure she is not seen by Jake.
LILLY
Did you get it?
Miley comes up from her hiding place, covered in the remains of Jake's meal and smothered with milkshake.
MILEY
Oh, I got it. (showing the tape) I got it good.
Lilly sticks her finger on Miley's beanie and takes a sample of the milkshake.
LILLY
Strawberry.
AUNT DOLLY
Oh, my favourite.
***
Jackson and Robby are laid back on the couch, their arms rested against their necks, as they show off their sweat and inhale their predictably smelly body odour proudly.
ROBBY
Breathe that in, son. That's the sweet stench of independence, freedom and manly pride.
JACKSON
I hear you, daddy.
Robby and Jackson smell in their pits one last time, unable to hold back their inability to bear the stench.
JACKSON
My eyes are burning, my eyes!
ROBBY
I'm so ranky, I taste my own stanky.
JACKSON (standing)
I can't stand it! I-I'm taking a shower. And, I'm using Aunt Dolly's peach body wash with exfoliating loofah glove.
ROBBY (standing)
Well, you loofah all you wanna'. I'm gonna' take a bubble bath with one of her citrus fizzy balls.
Jackson's already running upstairs.
ROBBY (smells his armpit)
Maybe two!
Robby follows Jackson upstairs.
***
The following morning at school, Miley slams her locker door shut as she turns to Lilly.
LILLY
What are you so upset about? You got your tape back.
MILEY
I know I should be happy, but I'm not.
LILLY
Well, I mean, it makes sense. You're right back where you started, secretly crushing on Jake. If I were you, I would've listened to your Aunt Dolly and just tell him how you feel.
MILEY
Why didn't you tell me that yesterday?
LILLY
Because I wanted to wear the cool black outfit.
Miley watches Jake enter and go to his locker.
MILEY
Okay, I'm just gonna do it. I'm gonna tell him the truth. You know, he might think I'm falling all over him, but at least he'll know how I feel.
LILLY
And maybe he'll feel the same way.
MILEY
Yeah, you're right. It's worth the risk.
LILLY
Yeah.
MILEY
I'll never know unless I try.
LILLY
Yeah.
MILEY
Here I go.
Lilly gives Miley a tap on the back as she walks over to Jake.
MILEY
Hey, Jake.
JAKE
Hey, Miley.
MILEY
Listen, I have something to tell you and it's not...
But before Miley can finish, a cute girl comes over and links arms with Jake, interrupting Miley.
RACHEL
Hi, Jakey.
JAKE
Hey, Rach. (to Miley) Oh, Miley, uh...you know Rachel, right? From Spanish class?
MILEY
Oh, sure. (struggling to hold back her tears) Hi, Rachel.
JAKE
Yeah, we're kind of going out now.
HOLLY
Isn't that great?
MILEY (though her expression shows otherwise)
Yeah. Really great.
JAKE
Uh, so argh...what was it that you wanted to tell me?
MILEY
Nothing. It's not important anymore.
JAKE
All right. Well, urgh...see you around.
MILEY
Yeah, see you around.
Jake and Holly walk off together. Miley turns away, hurt.
***
Miley is sitting on the couch in the Stewart living room, picking the petals off a rose...her hundredth rose.
MILEY
He loves me not. Still not loving me. Too busy loving Rachel. And he still ain't loving me, and now he's not loving me anymore, and now I need more petals.
Miley reaches over for another rose from the coffee table. Robby and Aunt Dolly are over in the kitchen.
ROBBY (to Aunt Dolly)
You got any ideas about what we're gonna do about this?
AUNT DOLLY
Have you ever known me not have an idea? Just, follow my lead. (as they walk into the living room) So, Robby, do you remember when you were trying to get up the courage to ask Miley's mom out and she just turned you down flat?
ROBBY
Yep. She said she was dating somebody else.
AUNT DOLLY
And do you remember what I told you?
ROBBY
Yep. You said, "next time you're gonna ask a girl out, don't wash your truck, wash your hair."
AUNT DOLLY
I mean after that.
ROBBY
Yep. You said, "the only way not to not be in the game is to take yourself out of the game".
MILEY
Guys, I know what ya'll are trying to do, but let's face it. I waited too long. I blew it. Game over.
AUNT DOLLY (as she and Robby take a seat)
Robby, is this the same girl that came to me, and said, "I want to be a singer"? And I said, "sweet pea, the chances of that happening are one in a million." And she said, "I want to be that one". Where's that girl?
MILEY
She's right here.
AUNT DOLLY
Well, if you hadn't taken that risk, you would've never became Hannah Montana, now would you?
MILEY
No.
ROBBY (prompting)
So...
MILEY
So, if I want something bad enough, I should get off my butt and fight for it.
AUNT DOLLY
That's right. That reminds me of a song by my favourite teen pop star. (singing) Who said, who said, you can't be superman? I say, I say, that I know you can.
ROBBY (singing)
Who said, who said you can't be worldwide? I say, I say, time is on your side.
MILEY (singing)
Who said, who said, Jake won't be the guy? I say, I say, give it another try.
AUNT DOLLY/ROBBY/MILEY (singing)
Who said, who said, you can't be ten feet tall? I say, I say, that I can have it all. Who said?!
Robby and Aunt Dolly high five each other. Miley rests her head on Robby's chest.
ROBBY
Oh, I love it.
AUNT DOLLY
Who said?
They all laugh. Aunt Dolly, still holding Robby's hand, sniffs it in.
AUNT DOLLY (to Robby)
Have you been using my citrus fizzy balls?
ROBBY
No, ma'am. (standing) But I did use your apricot scrub.
Robby runs off, as Aunt Dolly breaks into laughter.
***
Miley is lying out on the deck, with pickles in her eyes and some mixture splattered all over her face. Aunt Dolly is sitting beside her stirring the mixture.
MILEY
You know, Aunt Dolly, I kind of modelled Hannah Montana's look after you.
AUNT DOLLY
Really? I thought I was missing a wig!
Miley laughs. Robby is lying beside her, with the same pickles and mixture on his face.
ROBBY (sarcastic)
Don't make me smile. I'm cracking.
And Jackson is beside Robby. He scoops up some of the mixture on his face onto a potato chip and consumes it.
JACKSON
You know, this avocado mask tastes ten times better than the mango scrub.
AUNT DOLLY
You know, Rufus ate a whole bowl of that mango scrub once. For a whole week, that little dog smelled like a tropical breeze, coming and going.
JACKSON
Cool! Can't wait.
This time Jackson scoops up the mixture taking a pickle from his eye and then consuming it.
***
Hannah Montana © Walt Disney.
No infringement is intended through the transcription of this episode originally written by Sally Lapiduss.
